I Always Really Liked My Cheekbones…
I always really liked my cheekbones. As a woman raised in our obsessively image-conscious culture, there are certain body parts that historically were not my favorites — like my waistline, which, even at the peak of my young athletic days, was always wider than the hourglass outlines that graced all the magazine covers. But my nicely sculpted cheekbones? They were always a solid “yes!”
And then one day a year or so ago, my grown daughter made some offhand remark about how she loved my little nubbin cheekbones. I smiled, and the conversation moved on.
But that evening, lying in bed, her comment resurfaced in my mental reflections. (“Nubbins?” What did she mean by “nubbins?”) I got up and walked into the bathroom, looked in the mirror, and — lo and behold! — there they were: mere nubbins! What had happened to my cheekbones?!
I looked at them from every angle. I was astounded.
Was I delusional? Had I ever had high, sculpted cheekbones? I mean, they don’t just go away, do they? DO they?!
I grabbed my phone and googled it. “Do cheekbones go away?”
That query brought up diets for chubby cheeks. That was not my problem. In fact, my whole face had been getting thinner in recent years, but it was definitely not making my cheekbones more prominent.
I tried again. “Hey, Siri, do cheekbones deteriorate as we age?”
Here was the first result: “What Surprising Thing Your Face Loses with Aging: Bone”¹
And an NPR report offered: “As Our Skin Sags with Age, So Do Our Bones.”
What?! I felt outraged. Sagging, crepe-y skin, drooping breasts and buns, okay — those I’ve come to (almost) be okay with, but seriously…cheekbones, now, too?!
Turns out, our skeletons change demonstrably as we age. When we look young and robust on the outside, apparently our inside bony structures look pretty great, too. The skull of a 20-year-old is comprised of bone that is smooth, solid, and dense. By middle age, the texture becomes rougher, more porous, the eye sockets begin to sink in, the jaw starts receding. (No matter what supplements and exercise programs we call upon, so says the research.) The only mitigating factor in the many thousands of skulls studied was that tooth loss greatly exacerbated the deterioration of the jawline. (Another good reason to keep flossing!) But as for cheekbones, experts say there’s not much we can do.
Slightly obsessed, I checked an old high school yearbook I’d recently unearthed. Yep. Sculpted cheekbones.
I looked in the mirror again. Yep. Mere nubbins.
When did this happen?!
Intrigued, I continued studying my reflection. As I did, my awareness began to shift. For a timeless moment, I looked beyond my facial structure, taking in my entire visage. In the wrinkles and crows’ feet, I began to see and appreciate delicious decades of valuable life experience. In my eyes, albeit a bit more hooded than they used to be, I saw a steady light, a wisdom, a strength. Even more importantly, I saw in my own eyes a deep capacity for empathy and love.
Despite the decreased density in my bones, the more solid sense of self I now possessed was strikingly evident, as I took off the filters of conditioned self-perception. In fact, the longer I looked, sans judgment, the more love and Self-awareness I experienced.
I was able to look not just at, but into myself — my real Self, with a capital S — and see the beauty that transcends any current cultural definitions. I was able to deeply appreciate this human form I’m privileged to inhabit for such a brief time here on this earth.
That evening as I gazed into the bathroom mirror, I acknowledged, with quiet acceptance, that the outer beauty of my youth is indeed a thing of the past. I also began to more fully embrace and celebrate the multi-dimensional beauty this autumnal chapter of my life presents.
“Nubbins” included.
Resource: ¹https://www.rodeoderm.com/2017/11/14/surprising-thing-face-loses-aging-bone/
